Life has been jumbled lately.
With consistent illness/colds/flus/allergies and death in the family we have been unable to achieve a good full week of consistency. Deep down I have been in the dumps. I have so much to be thankful for and shouldn't have anything to even grumble about. Compared to other lives, I probably have it easy. I have been trying to pinpoint what may be wrong. I can only think back to the possibilities...The rough few years we have endured with Seminary, moving around, losing our place for a time and practically being homeless, having no where to go. Our son decided to grow up too fast and moved out on his own, which is still weird to me. I'm getting older, my health isn't 100%, I have lost interest in things I love doing,
My Gramma passed away, and I don't have many friends...
I know woas me.
Yet, I have so much to be thankful for. God, my hubby, my kids, my family, a roof over our head, a new area to call home, a new church plant work. Why am I still down? I can't figure it out...If it is even something at all or is it my health. I have a tendency to bottle things up, I am tense all the time, I have headaches/migraines all the time, my dizzy spells have come back, I feel alone even though I know I'm not. It's weird. I have been in a funk, feel like I am seeing the light then I fall back down again and I can't get out. I have however changed my diet, I need to get to the gym and spend more time outdoors...And cut out some other foods and junk I don't need. Surely it could be many things. The season of my life is changing, I am aging, my children are growing up. Soon they will have families of their own...Sooner for my son, later for my my daughter.
I think a part of me is tired of moving around. I would love to just be able to settle down and have consistency. Of course life throws us lemons sometimes and life can seem uncertain. I am thankful for my faith, for that I am certain. I trust God knows what is best. But really....Am I trusting fully? Perhaps not. Am I trusting God with my life? Just when I think I am...
I really don't think I am!
It is really a battle we all face. It is hard to confess the truth.
My problem is more than likely, I don't trust Him.
If I can't trust God, there is no way I can trust anyone let alone myself either.
I am asking you dear friends. Please pray for me. I would also like to pray for you.
Would you please pray for my kids as well. My son has been really sick fighting infection back in Washington. My daughter also came down with a full head cold this last week. Pray that we: Her parents don't catch the bug. Unfortunately I have also
felt under the weather the last couple of days.
Trying to tell myself, no! You are not going to get this too.
Lot's of smoothies are in order for sore throats.
Hope you all have a great weekend.