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Life has been jumbled lately.
With consistent illness/colds/flus/allergies and death in the family we have been unable to achieve a good full week of consistency. Deep down I have been in the dumps. I have so much to be thankful for and shouldn't have anything to even grumble about. Compared to other lives, I probably have it easy. I have been trying to pinpoint what may be wrong. I can only think back to the possibilities...The rough few years we have endured with Seminary, moving around, losing our place for a time and practically being homeless, having no where to go. Our son decided to grow up too fast and moved out on his own, which is still weird to me. I'm getting older, my health isn't 100%, I have lost interest in things I love doing,
My Gramma passed away, and I don't have many friends...
I know woas me.
Yet, I have so much to be thankful for. God, my hubby, my kids, my family, a roof over our head, a new area to call home, a new church plant work. Why am I still down? I can't figure it out...If it is even something at all or is it my health. I have a tendency to bottle things up, I am tense all the time, I have headaches/migraines all the time, my dizzy spells have come back, I feel alone even though I know I'm not. It's weird. I have been in a funk, feel like I am seeing the light then I fall back down again and I can't get out. I have however changed my diet, I need to get to the gym and spend more time outdoors...And cut out some other foods and junk I don't need. Surely it could be many things. The season of my life is changing, I am aging, my children are growing up. Soon they will have families of their own...Sooner for my son, later for my my daughter.
I think a part of me is tired of moving around. I would love to just be able to settle down and have consistency. Of course life throws us lemons sometimes and life can seem uncertain. I am thankful for my faith, for that I am certain. I trust God knows what is best. But really....Am I trusting fully? Perhaps not. Am I trusting God with my life? Just when I think I am...
I really don't think I am!
It is really a battle we all face. It is hard to confess the truth.
My problem is more than likely, I don't trust Him.
If I can't trust God, there is no way I can trust anyone let alone myself either.
I am asking you dear friends. Please pray for me. I would also like to pray for you.
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Would you please pray for my kids as well. My son has been really sick fighting infection back in Washington. My daughter also came down with a full head cold this last week. Pray that we: Her parents don't catch the bug. Unfortunately I have also
felt under the weather the last couple of days.
Trying to tell myself, no! You are not going to get this too.
Lot's of smoothies are in order for sore throats.
Hope you all have a great weekend.
Oh Mica, wish I could give you a big hug! Keeping you and your family in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Nadine
I am saying a special prayer for you Mica,the kids,your husband..the family. I know too well ,what those feelings you have shared feel like. Just know....no matter what, God is able......he will fight this battle for you! You are strong and beautiful , a daughter of the Most High God. Changes are so hard for me too,but God....he will keep you...just let him...let go and let God! I know you have probably heard or read that so many times,but its so true...we as women try so hard to fix things,ourselves,our loved ones, when all the time...God is there wanting us to hand it over to him....praying for you....many blessings dear friend and sister in Christ
ReplyDeleteAh Mica....hugs. About feeling older, I am. Nuf said. But when we don't trust, we start the worry cycle. I worry all the time about money. There is just not enough for us to live here anymore. And we don't do anything that expensive!! So we are looking into moving somewhere in TN or GE. It is so pretty there. And rent is about 1/2 what we pay now.
ReplyDeletePaul will retire in about 8 years and no way can we do it here. I love my church, neighbors and friends here but since everything here is getting more and more expensive, we have to trust God and listen. WE are sure He is telling us to move. He will always be with us. That I am sure of. To think about moving again....ugh. But we can do this and all with God's help. I hat to take Amy out of school and have her complete her senior year some where new but she is up for it. She really enjoys the challenge .
Paul has no ties here. His mom is is MN. Both my parents are rejoicing with the Lord now and I do have a brother in Huntington Beach we no longer see. So I am up for a new life. Know I am praying for you.
You have gone thru alot in the last few years......be kind to yourself......hugs