My birthday is this Sunday.
I have been pondering my age this week. It is hard to believe that I am going to be 42 this year. Oh, where has the time gone? Mentally I don't feel as if I have aged much, yet the physical side of me has certainly felt it. Visually it is setting in as well. Just in the last year I have noticed a lot more gray hair coming through. I am so not ready to go fully gray yet. I color my hair. I try to think of my gray as wisdom... I am not totally sold on that. I am not sure I am all the more wiser because the silver is coming through. But, probably am seasoned a bit. I have been through quite a bit in my life so far, with much hardship, pain, hurt, health issues and loss. Yet, the blessings in my life have fully outweighed all that.
My youth may be running from me, but it will never steal away the important stuff. I have noticed more lines on my face. My complexion has changed so much, sometimes I don't recognize myself....At least the young self. Then I start thinking, hey! that's just what happens. Embrace it! It doesn't matter what is on the outside but what is on the inside. Is my heart in the right place? No, probably not. It is something I struggle with daily. As well do many others, I think upon what God says about that...Like in Proverbs.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
God does not glory in the outward appearance of man, He looks at the heart. It is man who is concerned with the outward appearances. This can be found in 1 Samuel 16:7.
So yes, I am getting older, my body has changed a lot in the last 13 years, I have gained some pounds, my hormones are off, and sadly I have become discontent in my skin. And I think to myself. Is this it? But then I go to the word of God and see, that these things are foolish thoughts. My heart is not in the right place. That place should be trusting in God, drawing near. I am here for a purpose and it is certainly not to focus on my flesh. I am tired of it. I have grown to putting myself down, not only to myself but even to others. I will be the first to make fun of my big bottom. As I was reading God's word I realized that I am really just offending God. He made me in the image of Himself. I shouldn't tear myself down like that, because really I am tearing God down like that. I have also come to realize that I am not treating myself the way I should.
We should be good stewards of ourselves.
Why? Because we are His. I need to change and change is about to happen. I have been a Christian now for 18 years... You would think I would have this down. But really people. None of us do. We are by far perfect. This is a fallen world where our bodies will breakdown, we sin, and we deceive ourselves.
So yes, now in my forties I am seeing a lot more clearly. My worth is not in how I look, where I live, what I drive or what others think of me etc. But I can be a good steward of what I have. Take care of the things I have been given. My family, my home and myself, our physical selves yes. but more importantly our spiritual selves and our relationship with our Heavenly Father who created us.. I need to focus on caring for myself better and that will start with my heart.
For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.
Sometimes it may take years to see certain sins in our life. I guess that is the wisdom that comes with age.
I pray that He will continue to open my eyes and give me that wisdom. My life may possibly be half over and I don't want to waste it on worrying that I am not young anymore, and accept the fact that I will get older. And God knows what is best. I want to embrace that. Embrace every crinkle, bulge and sag. I pray that from here on out for the remainder of my forties and onward that my trust and faith will grow and that I will only Draw Near to my Savior.
I am blessed and thankful beyond measure for the family and this life I have been given. I pray for the strength to move on and persevere through the depression that oppresses me and change for the better. My life here is to glorify Him in all my ways and to be here for my family who needs me to be whole. There is a lot of work ahead of me.. I'm gonna strive to make these upcoming years, yet the best of years.
And I just can't do that without Christ.
Draw Near~Draw Near~Draw Near