Night time has been a nightmare for me the past couple weeks. I get into these modes where I can't sleep. I am tired, but I can't sleep. I get ready for bed and lay my head down on my cushy pillow ready to dream...and I just lay there awake. Perhaps my mind is on overdrive regarding our future. Perhaps it is God telling me to spend that time with Him. I lay there, I pray for everyone I can think of, for our future, for sleep. I get up and hope that a hot bath will relax my fidgety legs. I go downstairs, flip through a few blogs in hope I will tire myself out. 3a.m rolls around. Is it time? I crawl back into bed, hoping not to disturb my slumbering Mr. Darling. I think I fall asleep...But it is light. I remember opening my eyes here and there as I toss to and fro. I can feel my heartbeat, I toss and turn and sense my mind is awake....thinking.The light is coming through my window. I Eventually doze off, it is probably 5 or 6 a.m. I remember having some strange dreams. Mr. Darling is now awake in the shower. I move to the middle of the bed and sprawl out. My daughter is awake in her room, reading and getting ready for The Hunger Games. My son is still asleep. The alarm goes off. I don't bother pressing snooze, I just blatantly turn it off. I fall asleep. Next thing I awake, it is way past the time I am supposed to be awake. I find my daughter downstairs playing a game, she has eaten. Well, not really. She ate a protein bar and a banana. I feel like a bad mother.
I'm awake, but not awake. I am totally dragging. I am tired, tired of thinking. I am already hoping to catch a little nap somewhere in the day. It's going to be a long night ahead of me. I am taking the kids with my friend to go see The Hunger Games at midnight in Orange County which means I will be sleeping in a strange bed tonight. I dread it, will I sleep at all? Should I even be worried or stressed over sleep? Should sleep even be that important to me? I have no answers. I feel under the weather today already and pray, pray, pray that I am not getting sick again. I have to go muster up some sort of gumption to move on with today.
Pray for me.
I lay down and slept;
I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.
In peace I will both lie down and sleep;
for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty;
open your eyes, and you will have plenty of bread.