Thursday, May 28, 2015

Mothering A Daughter

Before the birth of our daughter we had our boy for six years before she came along. Having a boy was easy for me. A part of me feared the possibilities of having a girl. I was so used to having this little boy...I understood boys. Throughout my school years I was mainly friends with boys...They were easier to get along with and less stressful than girls. At least for me, that's just how it was. When we found out we were expecting our next child. I hoped for another boy. Not that I wouldn't be happy with either, or that I wouldn't have been fine with a girl....I was just used to the boy thing. The girl thing scared me. What if I was inadequate? What in the world am I going to do with a girl?

God is good. He knew not only what I could handle, but He knew what I really needed. What I needed was a little girl. He wanted me to trust Him and find the courage deep inside me that I can do it...And little did I know how much I would end up loving it so much. We found out before her birth that she was a SHE....And it grew on me. It did not take long at all to warm up to the idea and reality we were going to have a little girl. Once she was born and took her first breath and cried out for her heart melted. All her tiny little fingers and toes, the head full of curly dark hair, her precious little cries. I knew right then and right there, that she was a gift. My daughter. The little girl who wrapped us all around her tiny little fingers. 

Her beginnings were a rough start for all of us, with jaundice and colic and the sleepless nights...She wanted to be held by no one else but me...We were inseparable. Ever since we have been the best of friends. We have gone through a lot of joys, sorrows, happiness and sadness, quarrels, and reprimands. We have shared many stories, songs, secrets, giggles, cries, moments of seriousness, lot's of goofiness and precious moments that will forever be in my mind. We have a strong relationship, full of love and respect for one another and we have so much in common. She is well known as my little mini me through and through.

It makes me think about my own relationship with my mother. My mother was pretty much a Hands Off kinda mother. After pondering how that all went down...I am more and more grateful for what I have with my own daughter. I didn't have that sort of relationship with my own mother. I was also brought up in a very different world. My home as a child was dysfunctional, not so peaceful, always moving, not so comforting or secure. My parents divorced at a crucial time in my young life. I was just 13 years old, a time where I needed my parents, I needed a mother and to be mothered, but seemed most of the time, though I lived under my mother and step fathers roof, I was raising myself. I wasn't taught the fundamentals in life such as faith, cooking, cleaning, money, sex etc... I just wasn't told, taught or nurtured toward the right path. I had to figure these things out for myself. And let me tell you, it was a very long road...I made a lot of bad choices and decisions early on in my life and yet I ended up making some really great choices that led me to where I am now. When I had children, I vowed that I would raise my kids in a loving home, where they could grow, learn, be themselves, feeling comfort and security by both parents. Most importantly they were raised in a Christian home.With much grace and with God, my wonderful husband and people who give a darn about us have made a huge impact on us rearing our children in the way they should go.

I wanted to be sure I would raise my daughter differently than I was. We don't go a day without saying I love you, giving hugs and kisses and saying something positive and uplifting. And when we don't agree or we need to ask forgiveness, we do so immediately, never letting the sun set with anger or hurt. I learned how to cook and keep a nice home all on my own as well. These are also important life skills a mother should hand down to their kids, Someday my daughter will get married and make a home of her own with her children. My job is to make sure she has these skills when she leaves the nest one day. I would hate for her to ever feel like I did as a young woman, and have to just figure it out for herself. I can't fathom just throwing her out in this big world without some skills. I also look forward to one day being a grandmother...No rush or anything...But what an honor. Just as I vowed to be a good, hands on momma, I vow to be a good, hands on gramma. I have always been hands on with my kids and surely will take that into grand mothering. I will be sure to give them love and attention and show them love through actions and words. You just can't buy your kids and/ or grand kids with material items or money and never really sit down to talk to them to know their hearts or what sort of person they are and think that you have some great relationship. You have to be hands on. My kids didn't get the hands on stuff from grandparents. As they have grown it is apparently clear as to how those relationships never blossomed either. 

Another very important thing as a parent and your relationship with your daughter, or your kids...Is never show favoritism! This will kill your relationship with your son or daughter. Sadly, I have recently been put into that situation. Where my own mother said she didn't want to get involved in something between siblings yet did, then chose to immaturely take sides with the other, never even attempting to find out what was going on with the other side of whatever story. It was a clear shot in the heart, straight to the soul and a stab in the back. The situation at hand did not even rightfully make sense to take one side over the other. I have been ostracized and kicked to the curb over favoritism, At this point, due to the treatment and punishment I have received for something she doesn't even care to understand about has only brought us a severed relationship. One that was probably bound to happen due to the fact that we never truly had a tight relationship from the beginning. This is my view anyway. That is why it is important to have good relationships with your kids, love them unconditionally, show them love through actions and never show favoritism. Try to be neutral and always willing to talk things through to clear things up so there could be closure and hopefully forgiveness, before they are damaged forever.
 Once a relationship severs it is very hard to ever get that back let alone ever trust them again. 

I am so, so very thankful to God for the relationships I have with not only my daughter but my son as well. They are gems. I  would never dream of showing favoritism over the other. I know for a fact that we as their parents gave them a good, firm foundation in Christ and faith in God as well as skills to make it through this life and through that, they have our unconditional love, trust and security in their relationships with us. They will ALWAYS have our backs! We are a tight knit family. Now our son is out on his own and doing very well for himself and making it all on his own.

 We have our little bird still in our nest. I cherish her, and vow to help her grow into the beautiful possibilities God has already made her path to be on. Stay close to your kids, close to your girls!!! A girl needs her Momma! A Momma that is always there through thick and thin, to be a shoulder to cry on, a friend to talk to, a companion to laugh with, a role model that will always lift her up in spirit and be on her side no matter what, someone that understands her and knows her heart inside and out, who knows what she likes or what she dislikes, who knows what makes her tick, or simply just knows what she needs at all times. Our girls need a Momma who will pray for her, read the bible together, teach her and challenge her, never belittling her. She needs a Momma who will correct her out of love and always tell her the truth even if it hurts. She needs a momma who understands her fears, who will go the extra mile for her and be selfless, never focused on self. It is a big promise to make to another human being. And yes we will also fail miserably at it, but it is so worth it when it comes to your own child, no matter how old they are. I didn't have this for myself, but promise with all my power and all my might that my children will have all of me, hands on, and always by their sides, completely! You only get one chance with this dear friends. I pray for you as we all walk this long road together in this life. May God give you the will power to raise up these precious human beings for good and ultimately for God's glory!!!
There is one thing for certain. My girl has a Momma such as this from me!
 She will always have my back!!! As will my son!
I am so very blessed that God also gave me a daughter to raise! Even whe I thought I didn't want it...He knows best! I needed it!!! It wasn't at all what I thought it would be like. Not all teenage girls are nightmares nor are they all rebellious. My girl is the opposite of all the bad stereotype stories people hear. She really makes my job being a Momma to her a good ride. Thanks be to God! 
I daily pray for my children, for their today's, for their tomorrows for them always!
May your ride be just as smooth.

1 comment:

  1. Spot on my daughter. You have put all your feelings into beautiful words to inspire others to follow.
    You are the best my sweet Mica. I am so blessed to have you. Your Mother is missing so much in your life and that is sad but you are strong and I am so proud of you. I have seen you grow over the years and it is all good.
    Love you and our precious girl!