The days leading up to our son flying off into the sunset alone...were a bit heart wrenching for me. I so badly wanted to make these last days with him memorable. Yet, in the circumstances we are in at this time, with no home and little privacy, it wasn't what we dreamt of. We made the best of it, spending a weekend with good friends and taking him out a couple times alone. We prayed with him and gave him all the advice we could possibly muster. With lot's of hugs and kisses. Most of all we wanted to be sure he spent some quality time with his little sister....whom is quite distraught over his moving away. Since he has been gone, which is just about a month now....She has broken down in tears, because he is not here when we need him the most. I will admit I have have broken down as well, for a couple days...I had an anxiety attack...I could only feel my heart in my throat as it sank into the pits of my stomach.
I am sad though. so sad, my heart goes into my throat and chokes me, then it falls into my stomach where it aches me to tears. Yet, there is also so much joy, and I am so proud of the young man he has become. I am thankful to God for entrusting us with this wonderful boy...The Lord blessed us beyond measure....We did our best, raising him up, giving him a firm foundation to stand on and a faith he can always lean on. Yet, I will never forget his sweet little baby face looking up at me...He grew up too fast. I miss him so much when we are apart.
Leaving him in that airport, was truly one of the hardest things to do...Just knowing he is going his own way and he is further away then we ever anticipated. I know that he is not gone forever...He has been so sweet in fact, that he has called us every night to tell us goodnight and he loves us. The hard part for me I suppose...is the timing, him growing up so fast and being apart. It also breaks my heart to see my little girl who looks up to her big brother more than he will ever know, shedding crocodile tears over his leaving. She is still going through so much as it is with whats going on in our family, let alone her puberty. These are the times she could really use her big brother to be here...for her.
I am trying...trying so hard to swallow and breathe deep....With a lot of prayer and confidence, I know he is in good hands, he will be fine and he will be a wonderful servant. This is the last image I saw of him before he got on his plane.....ugggggh! Tears of sadness, tears of joy. I know he is alright...And I know I am going to have to be.
I miss him.