In Her Room

It has only been a week since the Lord took my Gramma home. My heart is aching as I have had a bit of trouble believing this is real. My Gramma has been a big part of my life... I don't know that time can heal a heart. I have looked to the Lord in prayer to help me cope. I have had the greatest support from my Husband and kids as well as sweet messages from friends. Freckles and I spent the week in my Gramma's room, in my mother's home. It was strange to say the least. Looking around her room just as she left it before she went into the hospital was like time had stopped. I took it in... The pictures on her walls, the curio filled with her sweet nick knacks, her makeup in the bathroom, all where she had left it. Every nook and cranny was filled with her. We slept in her bed, the smell of her was in the pillows. It brought tears as my heart sank.

 Trying to grasp, she is no longer here. 

To me, her room is beautiful. Gramma always loved beautiful things around her. From her tea pot collection, little cow figurines, flowers in or on everything. She had superb taste in clothing, in her linens and her food. It had to be good quality. She even enjoyed a good bargain. 

She had an eye for beauty. 

It will not be the same without her here. I am so blessed to have her as a Gramma. She touched my life... I will forever cherish every time we would get together she and I would have great conversation. When my family came to live with my parents and Gramma for six months, Freckles and I would sit on her bed every night and talk. We would talk about life, our hurts, joy, her young years in Latvia, wartime and Germany, how she met Grampa, when she came to the U.S. She talked a lot about her own Gramma. We talked about God, faith, family and the broken heart she had from relationships in her life that never had closure. She was always interested in how we were too. It was a time where I really needed someone to be there for my family and I during such a hard time. She was always there, always caring and selfless towards us. And she was there for my daughter when she needed it the most... Their bond was the sweetest. I am sure Freckles will cherish that forever. Gramma had wise words and loved unconditionally. She was amazing. I am grateful that we took the time to really get to know her with all her sweetness and even her flaws. It really didn't matter and I will never take her for granted. Life is too short. I am at peace knowing that she did believe in God.... I know she is at rest in the Lords glory. 

And I know I will see her again.

For now I will hold onto the wonderful memories we shared through the years. I don't remember a time where she wasn't there. She had me in her home for Summers. She would take me to have pancakes every morning, we would shop for clothes, I would watch her bake or cook as I sat at her feet, she would sing me sweet little songs in Latvian. I was mesmerized by her crocheting/knitting, we lived with her and Grampa several times throughout my childhood. She was always there to pick up the pieces. Into my adulthood she was still there. We enjoyed shopping in antique shops or clothing stores. She taught me how to make some Latvian dishes which I will hand down to my children...She was a fabulous cook. I learned from the best. She held my hand when I needed it the most... Just four weeks ago we went to see her in the hospital. I knew it would probably be the last time I would see her. I held her as she wept, we both wept.... She told me how much she loved me and in return I told her how very much I loved her. I held her hand in mine. I hope it helped her in her greatest time of need just as she was for me. That day was the hardest to leave. I told her I loved her in Latvian, 'Es tevi mīlu"... Then I blew her a kiss from the doorway and said "boochies" which is like a sweet way to say kisses. I paused and looked one more time and she smiled at me.

That is just how I want to remember her. 

Not in the hospital or in pain and suffering as she was... 

But the smile on her face.