Sunday, February 9, 2014

Sometimes It Can Be Lonely

I have blogged in the past about being lonely or not having many friendships... These are real things I deal with in my own life. Sometimes it has been quite bothersome within. I have struggled with friendships my whole life. One reason was the amount of moving I have done in my life, since childhood. Moving had made it difficult to genuinely grow forever friendships. I have also found that I steer away from a lot of female cattiness....Which is a good thing. And now, The past handful of years we have moved quite a bit as my husband went through Seminary for 4 years. He had spent two Summers in different churches as a Summer Pastor Intern. Currently he is a year long Pastor intern for another church. We moved once again in order for this to become a reality. He is so close to starting his very own church, building a core group for a church plant. He also prepares for weekly Sunday school lessons, Bible Studies and sermons. Yes, indeed the Ministry is a dream come true. He has worked very hard to get this far. The kids and I have been on board from day one supporting him 100%. I am thrilled, I am blessed and humbled as well as grateful that God has placed us here so that we could grow His ministry. Yet, sometimes it can be lonely.
Don't get me wrong. I realize and know we are truly never alone, for God is there always..... I have my kids and my dear husband who are very attentive. It is the friendships that lack. Yes, we meet so many wonderful people. So many have come in and out of our lives and have truly blessed us. And some have become very good friends which we had to leave behind due to moving away. I am so thankful for them. But, we all get busy in our own lives. Most of our friends updates are through Facebook, which I would have to look them up in order to see how they are. No one calls. I don't think people like talking on the telephone much these days. If you don't know this, the ministry can be a very hard place for Pastors and their families. You have to deal with so many people with so many backgrounds and yes, even judgmental people. Sadly in the church....That judgment is on the Pastors, their wives and their kids. All eyes are on them...If you do something that seems wrong to them, they turn on you. So sad but so true. It has happened to us already. My dilemma is really I don't know who I can trust. I have no one I can really go to, because I will most likely be judged. I don't have the support of anyone but my husband and kids. It is so very hard to be yourself around people... I have heard from a few other Pastor's wives the same sort of thing. Most of the time they don't have intimate friendships with those in their church. Makes sense. 

Yet, it still saddens me. 

I do have some suggestions for my dear readers who go to church: 
For those of you who are not Pastor's wives. 
There are things that can help to encourage your Pastor's wife.

1. She is not perfect

2. There are things that go on in the life of the
 church that you may know nothing about but are huge burdens for her to bear.

3. It's a long, lonely road, she would love to have friends too!

4. Perhaps you could call her and set up a playdate, coffee or dinner.

5. Pray for her that she would not grow bitter and resentful.

6. You don't have to act all "spiritual" around her.

7. She does a lot that no one sees and certainly isn't getting paid for it.

8. Unless she is in a megachurch, her family does not have a lot of money, 
probably less than you make.

9. She has times of spiritual dryness too.

10. Sometimes she wonders if it is worth all the hassle,
 worth the toil it can take on her husband and children.

11. Even a thoughtful note would cheer her, 
just knowing someone has her back.

So next time she does something that may bug you, 
remember these things and pray for her/family instead of complaining.


  1. Oh Mica, I'm so sorry that you are going through thoughts & prayers are with you!

    Love & Blessings,

  2. Know that you have many bloggy friends. If you lived near me, I'd invite you over for tea :) God Bless!

  3. I Love you sissy! I wish we lived so close that we could cuddle on the couch and chat, I too can't stand the caddieness of some friendships, I have become extremely careful as I grow, I love you and I have no judgement for you as I too am walking a road of loneliness, Different but lonely,all the same. I will make time to come visit as I miss you so much! and I will facetime you soon too! Love you always!

  4. I love your heart Mica. So honest, loving and forgiving. Your list here is very helpful and I will definitely keep it in mind when we find a new church family. It is a difficult job you have had and probably will have, but I think your transparency will be a good example for others.
    So grab a cup of tea and call me!! ;)

  5. May we look together to the only One who can truly satisfy all our needs.
    You are to me more precious than rubies, and more valuable than a thousand companions.