My Thoughts Are Of You...

A couple of weeks ago we made a trip down to Southern California to see my Gramma who has been very ill. She has been pretty ill this last year and a half. Since we were staying with her just over 6 months ago she has had pneumonia more times than I can count. She has been in and out of the hospital numerous of times with long stays in the hospital than her stays at home. She has suffered the past several years with breathing, lung, and heart problems. She suffered a small heart attack, and many other problems that come with having CPOD. Pneumonia brought her back into the hospital back in October and November. They released her but just a couple days later she had fallen three times and ended up with pneumonia once again, landing her back up in the hospital with kidney failure and stage 4 CPOD. They got her kidneys back up and running, but needed to pump her with tons of antibiotics and steroids to open her lungs in order to breathe. Now, she is almost unable to lie down without her lungs filling up. Her whole body is swollen from the steroids and her skin is like rice paper thin. 

It broke my heart as we walked through the door of her hospital room. There in the middle of the room was an old lady hunched over sleeping in a wheel chair. It did not look comfortable by any means. We came closer to her knowing this poor lady was my sweet Gramma. I leaned over her and nuzzled my face into her ear and said we were here. She awoke, looking a bit confused at first but then realized who we were standing there before her. She said she had been waiting all day for us to arrive. She sat there and asked us how we were. Each breath was hard for her, at times she had to clear her lungs with a small cough... My heart sunk. I sat on her bed, holding her hand. I used my fingers to softly caress her paper thin hands...Visions of her younger years came to mind, thinking of her hands which always worked so hard. I remember watching her cook and clean as a child and when she would rest, she would use those hands to knit the most beautiful afghans for everyone throughout the years. Now her hands are delicate. She may never use her hands to knit or crochet and possibly never cook again. My heart went into my throat. I leaned in closer to her and wrapped my arms around her.

Instantly she started to sob in my arms. Which in turn set off tears and emotions. She whispered in my ear that we were like roses in her flower garden and to always remember how much she loves us. Gramma, your words pierced deep into my heart. I don't know as of right now if this was to be our last goodbye. I will forever cherish the times we have spent together through the years. The joyful, happy times, the sad times and even the hurt times. We have been through a lot together. Our talks will forever be embedded within me for the remainder of my life. You have instilled much love and joy into my life. You have taught me so much. I cannot even find the words to express my thankfulness and gratefulness for you. As you are still in the hospital. I continue to pray for you. That you would be able to dig down deep and find the strength to fight this. I pray that you will be able to go home and do the things you always loved to do.

Gramma, my thoughts are of you...Today and always.

I love you.